Oswald and Boris's INCREDIBLE Involuntary Adventure on the Island of the Not Quite Right (Kindle Edition)
By Peter Shearing
Review & Description
A warm, quirky and thoughtful adventure-fantasy for older children (8+) while sufficiently funny and outrageous to captivate young-at-heart readers of any age.
Sensible bank clerk Oswald and his slow-witted friend Boris (unemployed eclipse photographer) find themselves snatched from their dreary routines (along with an assortment of other misfits) and dumped on a tropical island paradise... where nothing is quite what it seems. Lost and bewildered, their quest to find a way back home takes them on a journey into a bizarre and dreamlike world of morphing wildlife and unhinged island folk, such as a furious farmer in search of his stolen armpits, a bruised elderly couple whose rocking chairs and mouths are frankly out of control, and a macabre skipping midget who offers them only riddles which they must decode in order to stay alive.
But who kidnapped them and why? Will they ever escape? How does Boris accidentally become King? Why do the dolphins behave so strangely? How many sides has a triangular square octagonal circle? What did Edna Vice (Principal Fun Avoidance Consultant to the Hastings Womens’ Institute) have for breakfast on the 14th of January the year before last? These are all things you will never know if you don’t read this story… will you ever forgive yourself if you take that risk?
REVIEWS
"If this book doesn’t make you laugh out loud, I’ll change my name to Marmaduke Tarquin Limpflop.” Marmaduke Tarquin Limpflop, Neasden Philatelist Society Annual Newsletter
"Don't read this book, it's FULL of jokes. Isn't that illegal?" Deirdre Dreary, Grimsby Indoor Ballooning Club
"A book that really makes you think. It makes you think, ‘Why did I come upstairs? I live in a bungalow’” Chris P Duck, Catford Amnesia Society
"If you only read one book this year, make sure it’s this one. Either that or ‘How To Retrieve Your False Teeth From The Drain Outside Mrs Blenkinsop’s Garage For The Fifth Time This Month’ by Reginald Soul” Reginald Soul, amateur author, Luton Hoo
EXCERPT
‘My dearest Doris,’ said Horace, ‘may I just commend you on how splendid you’re looking this evening, from the feet down? Why, if you were just twelve stone younger, and I were short-sighted and desperate, I would be proud to have you on my arm.’
‘Why thank you darling, and how kind it is of you, to dress so tastelessly, and to constantly pretend to be so half-witted, so that by comparison I may shine. And to have polished your sweet little head, so that it will reflect the stars onto the walls, and if you rotate slowly, you can be our mirrorball for the evening!’
‘You’re very welcome, my dear, just as you are very welcome to the periscope I bought you, so that you may see your feet.’
‘I appreciate it my love, and you may borrow it whenever you wish, to drive, say, or play table tennis. And may I just compliment you on your aromatic breath, which takes me right back to that delightful little donkey sanctuary in France, you remember, where I lifted you up so that you could stroke them?’
‘Yes my dear, but it was so unfortunate, that on the way home, you became so firmly stuck in the Channel Tunnel.’
‘Yes, but so fortunate, that when you decided to slip and fall into that treatment pond at the sewage farm, it only took me three weeks to remember the number of the emergency services.’
‘Indeed it was, my clever little savant, and may I say that as long as we are together, I need never buy another beach ball. Also, it was so comforting to hear the doctor confirm that your looks aren’t hereditary, should we want to have children.’
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